Spousal Betrayal and Deception is an Overwhelming Obstacle
Marital betrayal and deception is an unimaginably overwhelming and challenging situation that many Heroes must overcome. The pure pain deep in your soul that you experience upon discovering the knowledge of their infidelity is searing and decimating. They were your lifelong partner, the person to whom you devoted yourself, with whom you shared your deepest secrets, and together you two brought a child into the world. Their choice to commit adultery and the resulting damage is almost insurmountable. You have every right and should feel incredibly hurt. Being a victim of deception can bring even the mightiest Hero to his knees. Therefore, it is essential to have a solid yet basic plan in place should you find yourself in this situation.
Step 1: Mourning the Pain of Betrayal and Deception
Do not be afraid to mourn your loss and seek comfort from other Heroes in your life.
An arbitrary time constraint can not restrict the mourning period. Some heroes may require a few weeks, while others may take a few years.
Before moving on, each Hero must grieve. Simply stated there are Five Stages of Grief. However, the actual grieving process is much more complicated. A common fallacy is that the process of grieving is linear. Many make a mistake and believe that the steps are followed in order and completed before starting the next level. Consequently, the stages are not independent, and your emotional state can revert or skip stages along the process and return at a later point. It is paramount that you allow yourself the time to experience and go through this process to avoid the unnecessary burden of carrying the pain with you for eternity.
- Denial - this stage includes the feeling of being numb. It is a protective stage and keeps us from progressing too quickly.
- Anger - do not be afraid to feel your anger. You have every right to be angry with your spouse for cheating on you. Fortunately, anger is an energy and this will be the strength you need to make sense out of the situation.
- Bargaining - trying to negotiate your way out of pain and restoring your life are the characteristics of this stage.
- Depression - the realization that they are gone, and it is permanent is genuinely and justifiably depressing.
- Acceptance - this is not synonymous with some final resolution of approval or absolution. During this stage, you take the time to rebuild yourself and begin to invest time in establishing other relationships. Your spouse's actions have changed your current life forever. Further, you will finally become comfortable knowing your wife has left and will never return. As a result, you will no longer feel sorry for yourself and able to focus on the next step.
Adultery: Their Actions, Their Choice, Their Fault
Spousal betrayal and deception is not a result of relationship issues but rather character flaws. Realize that your partner was likely unaware of the severe pain and irreparable damage they were inflicting by choosing to engage in the affair. In fact, they were selfish, and no matter what excuse you might receive from them, there is no mature and reasonable explanation for a person to betray another to this magnitude.
Nothing about their decision to cheat on you and/or destroy your family was your fault.
After you have mourned the pain, found comfort, and realized that your partner did not have the insight nor understanding of what they were doing on a level outside of enjoying a new and exciting, hidden, and dangerous romance you can begin to take the next step.
Step 2: Forgiveness, Yes a Hero Must Forgive Them For Their Betrayal and Deception
The next step is forgiveness. Do not let yourself to become a prisoner to the pain resulting from their pathetically selfish choices.
Forgive them, forgiving someone does not require you to forget their choice to betray you. Moreover, there is no need for you to absolve them of the heinous act.
Forgiveness is not for the weak. The Hero must dig deep as true forgiveness is a courageous act that requires you to combine compassion, grace, and kindness
To summarize, infidelity, on any level, results in a tremendous amount of pain. The Hero's ultimate goal is to rid yourself of negative emotions and the natural wish for revenge. Forgive them before the negativity associated with the aftermath of the affair becomes ingrained into your permanent reality.
Forgiveness will save you from being a prisoner to their actions.
Moreover, should you fall a prisoner to that negativity, you will fall short as you continue on your Heroic Journey. You must look to the Heavens and wish for their healing and move them out of your life.
Step 3. Focus On The Welfare Of Your Children
You must take complete care, and direct your attention to the welfare of your children. Yes, a Hero should recognize that their ex-spouse is not currently acting as a positive role model. However, this is a time in your journey where your greatness and ability to persevere in grave situations shines. As a result, you will provide the love and care necessary for your children to endure and overcome their mother's betrayal and deception without too much permanent emotional damage. Consequently, you might need to enlist outside help. Your local community might have co-parenting classes.
Co-parenting classes are not for the weak, and they teach you how to work together with the person that did their very best to destroy your soul. Co-parenting is vital for the welfare of your children. For more information on how to work cooperatively, with the person that betrayed you and destroyed your family, please visit Up to Parents.
The program offered by Up To Parents is free, very informative and extremely helpful for the Hero forced to deal with this atrocity.
A Final Note
You will overcome, and you will be a better person when this is behind you, and your children are no longer suffering from the acute effects of a parent leaving the household.
Once you have healed, then you might be wise to learn about how to detect when someone is deceiving you. If you are struggling with the little things that keep popping up which trigger you to have negative thoughts and emotions about the betrayal, you might find CBT useful. When properly implemented CBT can change the way you think.
Strive to become mentally strong. Do your homework. Live like a Hero, not a zero and you will overcome this hurdle.