You Cheated! Adultery? Infidelity, No Way! How could you?
Your choice to cheat, engage in adultery, and participate in the world of infidelity destroyed two families. It further resulted in your 3-year old with Autism losing his mommy and daddy, and your spouse battling to save themselves from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
After 12-years of what I thought was a committed, loyal, and loving relationship, you will never understand the pain and suffering that resulted from your weak and almost unforgivable choice.
This post is for the benefit of others that have either experienced a similar pain or possibly those that might be considering such a pathetic decision as adultery. I have written this open letter in hopes that those, like me, that have felt the pain from the actions of the emotionally and psychologically impaired will not feel so lonely. As a Hero, I ultimately hope that I can help those that have suffered or are still suffering to overcome this obstacle and be free from the shackles.
The Following is One Hero's Response to Adultery the Ultimate Act of Deception and Betrayal
After I accidentally discovered your pathetic life of deception, I asked you:
How could you?
Why would you do that to us?
Your reply was:
I wanted to leave for a long time.
When I asked you about the apartment and house hunting that you and he did as a couple. You remember it was August of the year before you left in May. The answer you gave me was that you hoped I would never find out. How could you even dream that was a possible outcome?
Adultery Is A Conscious Choice
- Your decision to end our 12-year committed relationship that produced an incredible child, came to fruition after you betrayed and repeatedly chose to deceive me by having an affair.
- Incredibly, you knew the marital status of your illicit lover; and that he has three children with his wife.
- The decision to have an affair was a mutual decision made by you and him. Appallingly, you pursued the relationship, thereby initiating the infidelity.
Adultery Caused the Destruction of Not One But Two Families
Because you lack, possibly do not even have any, integrity and knowingly engaged in sexual activity ranging from sexting to the actual physical acts of fornication with another married individual you destroyed not just your marriage and family but the same for another spouse, his wife. These activities are the result of your character flaws.
Adultery encompasses deception. Deception of this magnitude causes more pain and destruction across two families than either of your immature and sick minds may ever understand. No matter how you choose to rationalize it, your desire to leave our relationship does not validate or excuse either of you from your willing decision to cheat. Moreover, there is no rational reason for your direct lies to me as you were telling me about your plans for the day, evening, or night.
You Are Such A Skilled Liar
Convenient that you leaving would limit me to our home as I would be responsible for the care of our 3-year-old with special needs.
You even went above and beyond when you involved your mother. She was as your alibi for your evening of disgusting activity in room 229.
What an intricate web of lies it was, I am impressed at how well you were able to incorporate your mother and brother. How sly you were to remind your mom to not go on facebook because you were worried that I would accurately conclude that you were not with her and she was not getting her hair washed.
What an intricate web of lies it was, I am impressed at how well you were able to incorporate your mother and brother.
I mean what perfect alibis. What was that again? Your brother's roommate took his dog with him when he was going somewhere via plane? Dropped the dog off in Pasadena? Yeah, right.
I Was An Easy Target
Being innocent myself of any deception and working, struggling to make ends meet, I did not question your loyalty or level of commitment. I trusted your stories when you tried to explain why your quick, you promised a less than 1-hour, trip to the store took 3-hours. You are so warped that you were able to disrespect me every day with this or a similar scenario. It appears that instead of accomplishing the mission you described, you became busy and very aroused with adulterous endeavors. Adultery betrays on all levels, is hidden by lies, and deception; thereby, obliterating trust at even the level one might extend to a stranger on the street.
Did you know that it is common for the victims of infidelity struggle with Post Traumatic Infidelity Syndrome (PTID)? Per the professionals, similar to PTSD, PTID is a possible consequence of being the victim of a cheater. PTID could cause a person to:
- deal with very low self-esteem,
- experience clinical depression, and
- wrongfully blame themselves for their spouse's adultery.
You, Cheaters, Are Some Sick & Twisted People
Most cheaters are just like you and show no empathy or compassion for the individual(s) they betray. Even without a clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), they exhibit the traits of not being able to show empathy. Lacking the insight into the human condition and unable to look beyond them.
You initially responded to my questions telling me that you "wanted to leave for a long time." I challenged you with: "how is it possible that we have our beautiful baby boy?" Your pathetic answer: "he was a mistake," adding that you thought I would leave when he was born.
Your answers show how evil and sick your thought process was at that point. You could not end our relationship based on the alleged pain I unknowingly caused you. However, you can willingly choose to have an affair that, upon discovery, would inevitably destroy your family. That seems like you might have the control issue, and boy, what an ego.
- You told me you wanted to leave the relationship for a long time, but never presented me with your concerns;
- Instead of leaving, you chose to stay and relied on me to provide financially, to care for our child while you pursued your extramarital activities;
- You denied but indeed were faithful to your immoral and married partner for more than a year before you surprised me and left. Thereby crushing my self-esteem; and,
- Your family, the people that I spent precious holiday time with knew and covered for your atrocious activities.
Why Did You Wait So Long To Walk Out On Our Baby Boy and Me?
Yes, there would have been pain and disappointment if you left before our son was born; but, the trust would have remained intact. Moreover, no devastating damage resulting from the betrayal. Instead, you chose deception and decimated trust on all levels. Your actions resulted in another broken home and another obstacle in our son's path. How can you possibly justify your choice? Everything changes when you bring a child into the world?
Your inability to show any empathy or compassion for the pain resulting from your choice to engage in adultery is surprising. You never issued a sincere apology for the pain arising out of your affair. You fail to understand the magnitude of destruction that results from infidelity. Furthermore, your choice to continue the relationship is extremely sad. Your decisions are the product of severe character flaws, not relationship flaws or issues.
An adulterous relationship is the result of character deficiencies among the participants, not flaws or issues in their respective and separate relationships.
Unable to Look Outside of Yourself
Moreover, it is troubling to think that you are possibly unaware of seeing the big picture. You can not recognize that your character flaws are the source of your immaturity and self-destructive behavior. Because I am empathetic, I feel sorry for assholes too, and that includes you. I am incredibly anxious about how you will proceed. Because if you are not able to rectify your character flaws, you will hurt our baby.
Rid yourself of those that do not object to your lack of integrity and infidelity. Else your character will continue to erode, and your soul will die. A decline in your morality and honesty will affect our child. You should be aware that those we allow to become close to us will influence our thoughts and actions.
If you hang with people of questionable character, your character will suffer. If you spend time with people that deceive others, you will change. Your opinion of infidelity and other immoral behaviors will become more tolerant and possibly one of acceptance.
Your adultery was a choice that you two made that resulted in some ugly consequences. I am not one to judge; I was much younger than you when I made a similar mistake.
The gravity of my choice to cheat weighed heavily on my heart. I was still younger than you when I vowed never to do it a second time. You claim that you are neither a sociopath nor a narcissist. If your claims are accurate, you have no excuse for your actions. I hope that you find peace and have the guilt absolved from your soul. You will know if that worked at your final judgment.
When you truly love someone, as I did you, you never stop loving them. Therefore, I hope you found true happiness with that horrible excuse for a man. I wish you peace in spite of being the cause of actions that contributed to the destruction of two families.
I don't hate you. I've just lost all respect for you and have nothing left to say to you anymore.
Lastly, it has been a long road of sadness, but I will rise, stronger and better than before for that I thank you. I once was your Hero. Now you are my Zero.
Are you struggling with your relationship? Have you found yourself the victim of a cheater? Considering cheating? Contact Dr. Steve!